Life before cancer?

I barely remember our lives before Lauren's diagnosis. Regardless of how we chose to live our lives then, this life (our own personal "cancerverse") will never be the same. IF Lauren beats this monster once and for all, she will still live (WE will still live) with the long term effects for the rest of our days here on Earth. For this, I am sad. 

I really thought that we were living life in a sort of carpe diem kind of way ... boy was I mistaken. Once you have been faced with the reality of mortality, your way of thinking, of living, changes dramatically (to say the least). Things that seemed all too important are but a thing of the past. We live each day as though there will be no tomorrow. Why though did it take Lauren getting cancer to make us realize that it really IS the little things?

Lauren had a rough couple of weeks following her last dose of Taxotere/Gemzar. She was neutropenic for almost a week with her white blood cell count dropping to zero. The mucositis, as she described it, was a very close second to the same mucositis she experienced with the Doxorubicin. The levels of toxicity seem to be greater with each round. She is still suffering from intense sensitivity in her fingertips and hands not to mention the neuropathy in her feet and lower legs has progressed to a point where it is almost impossible for her to walk five feet without some sort of assistance. And just to clarify, it is NOT the cancer that is causing these issues, it is the chemo drugs. Sad isn't it? We not only have to bring ourselves to the brink of death to kill the cancer, but have to endure a lifetime of complications not from the cancer, but from the very drugs we used to save our lives. If that isn't irony ...

The new Physical Therapist, Abby, has ordered Lauren a walker so that she isn't constantly bed-ridden and will be able to move around more freely with the help of said walker. She has also suggested that Lauren be fitted with AFO's (ankle-foot orthotics) to help with stability and balance. Hopefully, once Lauren has finished with chemo, the neuropathy causing her "foot-drop" will begin to wear off. I've watched it progressively get worse over the last month or so. This is something that could have been prevented, albeit a treatment plan sans chemotherapy. As though cancer hasn't taken enough away from Lauren already, I'll be damned if I let it take away her ability to walk.

Yesterday was day one of Lauren's last cycle for this protocol. Monday, the day after Mother's Day, will be day eight and the final dose. A PET scan will be ordered for late May, just in time for Lauren's 15th birthday. Yep, 15! I can't believe it either! Let's hope she has the BEST birthday present imaginable. Pray with me, light a candle or whatever you choose to do to bring hope and love to our family. Without you, family & friends, we would be so lonely. I know many have been touched by Lauren and her strength through this journey. She has always had that ability to leave a lasting impression.

peace and love
-cherri